Grief | Self Improvement Training Houston

Grief is everywhere!  Our experience with COVID 19 has and continues to bring us grief.  In my business coaching practice and in my own life grief is at the forefront.

Grief is the loss of normal.  Grief is the death of something.  In the businesses I collaborate as well as many others I know all of us are dealing with grief.  What was normal, the way we did things is gone.

And when there is a loss of normal it is replaced by fear.  We are grieving because we are fearful about the future.  In the United States we are grieving as a society because we miss each other.  With COVID 19 we are hearing grief in almost all aspects of our society. Why?  We are collectively dealing with the loss of the world we knew.

And when each of us is grieving it is harder to connect.  Why?  We have to become vulnerable to the situation that is causing someone else to grieve and reconcile it with our vulnerability in our situation.  When we feel vulnerable, we don’t want to connect.  Yet, shared vulnerability is the way to connect.

It is the way we can collectively come together and grieve about the loss of the world we knew.  Grief is definitely the loss of normal.  And the worst loss is yours.  When we are focused on ourselves it makes it even harder to connect with others.  We are driven because we are social beings to come together.  COVID 19 is causing us to be and stay apart.

In the businesses I work within The Woodlands and Houston we are emphasizing the need to share vulnerability.  And the results have been very positive.  It gives employees a sense of belonging that they had lost as many of them now have to work remotely.

But it has also been very challenging.  Very often when two people are grieving, albeit differently, it is like two empty tanks trying to fill each other.  And then there is another component to grief that can disintegrate relationships.

It is judgement.  Before I get into this, let me say that judgement is fine.  We, you, and I just need to be aware of how judgement works.

Interestingly, in the area of grief, judgement demands punishment.  When we are grieving, we can punish ourselves with guilt and shame.  We can talk about what we might have been able to do to prevent the situation we are grieving about.  Or we can blame and punish others.  Or we can do both.

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Fear | Personal Development Training houston

With the advent of COVID 19, almost a year ago in the United States, there has been a transformation in how we look at ourselves, our relationships, work, and as a society in general.  Where pre-COVID we trafficked in a currency of confidence and a “can-do” attitude we now use the currency of fear.  Fear shuts down connections.  Fear shuts down conversations.  Fear shuts down moving forward.  Fear isolates us.  As social human beings this last one, isolation, is the one that has wreaked the most mental and emotional damage.

Fear causes us to grieve.  We grieve because we have lost our sense of normal.  We may have lost loved ones, our jobs, or our homes.  Grief is the death of something.  And fear triggers grief because we have lost our sense of normal and at the same time, as we move forward day by day, we have no sense of certainty about the future.  In a way we are afraid to step out and move forward.

Our fears are legitimate.  And they are valid.  The question is:  How do we choose to act based on our fears?  That’s where we have discussions that can turn into arguments.  Arguments that will not be solved because they are about fear.  And arguments that cause even further isolation.

We are all going through this for the first time.  We are learning.  And learning can be painful.  Painful, in that without a firm foundation in facts (because they change depending on the point of view) we find that even with more learning we have less certainty.

Here’s what I do know.  COVID 19 appears to be the most contagious virus I have encountered in my lifetime.  You can take a lot of restrictive measures and it will still spread.  So, the basic question for me, is not whether or not it is contagious.  I have had the flu in the past and bronchitis.  The question for me is how TRULY deadly is it?

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Fear, COVID and Death | Personal Development Training houston

One of the biggest challenges I have seen in my personal business coaching practice and in life over the past year is how to meet the challenge that fear, surrounding COVID represents.  If there were a perfect answer, I would give it to you, and we could all happily move forward.  But there is not.

The ultimate goal in business and life is to first survive and then thrive.  Many businesses and individuals have gone from thriving to surviving.  And some have experienced the most feared outcome, death.

For myself and my clients, we have fears.  The fears are valid.  Yet how we choose to act on them is our choice.  Once again, if there was the perfect answer on how to react to our fears, I would be happy to provide it.  Unfortunately, there is not.

But the philosophy you bring to a fearful situation is critical to putting the odds in your favor of having a more successful outcome.  Notice I said putting the odds in your favor.  I did not say guaranty.  I have adopted for myself and my clients the following:

I have never seen FEAR stop DEATH.

But I have seen FEAR if we choose to let it do so, STOP LIVING.

We have to continue to live.  As we are beginning to see the economic disaster from COVID is causing far more pain, suffering, and death than the numbers we have from the people who have unfortunately died from it.

Fear has never stopped death.  But fear, if we choose to let it do so, can stop living. Also, fear cancels out an offer all of us have received.

It is your life.  Your LIFE IS A LIMITED TIME OFFER!  And with your life comes LIMITED TIME OPPORTUNITIES.  We don’t know how long we have in life.

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I’m in a Hurry. Where is it Taking Me? | Self-Improvement Coaching

There is a song by the musical group, Alabama, “I’m in a Hurry.”

All of us appear to be in a hurry. Is that something that benefits us?  At times we are in a season of hurriedness. That is understandable.  But, if your whole life is that way I suggest that you are missing many things.

The first verse of the song states:

“I’m in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.”

In today’s world being in a hurry can be equated with being busy.  We are busy because we are striving for greater self-esteem, wealth, possessions and property among other things.  But, in looking at my own life and those of my personal business coaching clients I see that excessive hurriedness because we are always busy is a distraction.  We rush and rush until life’s no fun.  And we don’t either recognize or know why our lives are no fun.

Being continually busy never gives me, you, or my clients time to rest and recharge.  The brain in order to function at a high level needs lazy time.  It needs to take a break.  But between texts, emails, phone calls, work and our day to day encounters it’s hard for us and our brains to find the quiet time to recharge. And without quiet time it is more challenging to be happy. I once heard that success is getting what you want.  Happiness is wanting what you get.

And, here is the truth.  There is no success without happiness. The song goes on with this verse:

“Can’t be late
I leave plenty of time
Shaking hands with the clock
I can’t stop
I’m on a roll and I’m ready to rock”

The key phrases here are “Shaking hands with the clock.  I can’t stop.”  When we live our lives in the hurry mode, always having to be busy doing something it becomes a race everyday to see what we can accomplish.  And, it has been shown that being too busy actually creates other distractions (too much going on at once) which causes us to accomplish less.  We accomplish less and that makes us unhappy.  And the cycle continues.

We believe in our busyness that we are taking care of what is truly important.  But are we?  Very often, I see myself and others missing what truly matters.  What truly matters is the time we spend on our relationships and how we spend it.  When there is always a time limit and a short window with our interactions with others, people don’t feel valued or that you have time for their cares and concerns.  That becomes a breeding ground for frustration, anger and distancing.

And when the relational frustration boils over, all the hurriedness that got us to that point is the last behavior pattern we need to continue to get things back on course.  At this point, we need to slow down.  We need to take time.

Ultimately, without fulfilling relationships we cannot have happiness and we cannot have overall success. What can you do to minimize the chances of this happening?  Slow down!  Create self-awareness as to how your hurriedness is impacting your relationships and life.  The last verse of the song states:

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Faucets and Drains | Self-Improvement Coaching

Faucets and drains are two things designed to work together.  Water comes out of a faucet and goes into a sink.  Once in the sink, it flows toward the drain and goes away.  Or you can stop up the drain and let the sink collect water.  As a personal business coach in The Woodlands and in Houston, I look for the faucets in a business such as cash flow, marketing, advertising, operational and financial processes, administrative and management style, and most importantly, the people. And I also look for the drains.

Interestingly, there are several ways to look at faucets and drains in business.  A company invests a great deal of money in an advertising program.  The money is the faucet.  It pours out into the advertising program.  The advertising program is wildly successful at bringing in new and profitable sales.  The sink, the company’s cash reserves, start to fill up.  The drain, which is the money going out for advertising, is slower than the faucet that is bringing in new sales causing more money to back up in the sink.

This is a good situation.  You have your sink of cash filling up with the money.  In fact, it is filling up with the money to where you could be put into a higher tax bracket in various areas.  Tax brackets are drains.  Or you could put some of that extra money into other drains such as investing in equipment, people, or processes to support and sustain your growth.  And these will reduce your taxes.

But are these really drains?  Or are they new faucets?  It depends. Two businesses can look at the same thing and because of their unique perspectives see things differently.  In the above example, investing money in equipment, people or processes could by some be considered a drain and by others a new faucet.

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